i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
