Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
