How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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