this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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