can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
