Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
