We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
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