Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
