he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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