Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
