HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
