forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
