Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
