To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
