I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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