Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I am mentally ready for anal.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize