shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Randomize
