did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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