Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
