Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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