Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
