What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
