Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
