Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
