If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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