Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
