we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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