I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
