is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
