I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
