I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
