Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
