Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
NoShamevember. You game?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
