I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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