I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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