I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
