everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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