Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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