Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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