just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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