I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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