that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
