Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
