If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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