Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
