I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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