i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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