if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
