I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
