I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
