I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
