Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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