The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
