The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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