How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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