Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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