I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
