I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
