I wish they made helmets for livers.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
