What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
