Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
