One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
