Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
