I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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