Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
